Surrender

Tonight I realized what I need to do...Surrender. Not just a few things, but total surrender, of everything that has an impact on my life. Recently I realized I've lost focus and at first I wondered what had gotten in the way of my relationship with the Lord. But I've come to realize that the world has taken all my focus and it's time for that to change. A lot has been weighing on me for a while, from finding the right job to world issues, from friends who have lost their First Love to family that has yet to know Truth and Love, Himself. And I've taken on the responsibility to change each issue, to the best of my ability, thinking it was up to me to change everything. Needless to say, I havent measured up to my own goals. That's something that is hard to accept, but it's a way of being broken. To see that the world doesnt rest on my shoulders and God doesnt need me, but He chooses to use me sometimes. When I think that I need to change things (in my own strength) what I'm actually doing is being prideful and not trusting the One who not only created the world (which I could never do), but is Sovereign over all. I easily acknowledge that He is Sovereign and try to trust Him, but am I a hypocrite? Do I live what I believe? Often I fail, thinking that the world rests on my shoulders and it's my responsibility to change it. Thankfully He is a patient Teacher and forgives me when I fall or mess up. So tonight, I want to change. I want to surrender all, no matter what the cost. He has a perfect plan for me, though at times it may not be clear to me and I may question, still He is faithful. And not trusting Him is far more dangerous than trusting Him in a storm (just ask the disciples). In the end, I will be able to look back and understand, but for now He asks me to walk by faith. Surrendering to Him is totally worth it, even if it seems pricey now!