Let me start by saying I am so thankful that God has allowed me to come to Master's, it's been amazing and continues to be. I'm in an OT survey class and it is a challege. Outlining 30 chapters in two days is not exactly easy, in fact it's been rather overwhelming at times. But I'm amazed that God has opened my eyes and I have learned from the constant outlining I've had to do. The Israelites were messed up, c'mon, they disobeyed God, He punished them, they repented and surrendered to Him, then a little later, they repeated it all again. This wasn't just a couple times, it happened a lot. It's easy to think they were messed up, but how many times have I done exactly the same thing?
In the last week or so, I've been losing focus. I knew what was happening and planned to work on that many times, but kept putting it off. Tonight was difficult, but it was good. Everything seemed to be crumble, at least from my point of view. I was becoming quite melancholy and knew it was because my relationship with my Father wasn't what it should be. So, I kind of had a small break down and was upset that my dreams and ideas seemed to be falling apart. Hope seemed distant. I talked to my mom and got frustrated instead of the encouragement, which I had hoped to get. But in the end it was good.
Once again, God reminded me of somthings that I know in my head, but I have a hard time accepting. Philippians 1:6 talks about everything working out for good, for those who love God. Like I said, things have not been looking to hopful lately, at least in certain areas of life and I've had a hard time trusting that God would take care of it. But I have been reminded that if the situations do not work out the way I think they should, that must mean that there's something better. It's like Isaac, he was probably really excited to get to sacrifice to God, with his dad. Then they get there and he wonders where the sacrifice is and his dad tells him "it's you". He couldn't understand why God would do this and neither can his father, it made no sense. But God saw the whole picture and would provide the necessary sacrifice just at the right moment, showing His greatness and growing both men, in their faith. Maybe things seem to be what God has even said they would be, but then the plan seems to fall apart and we're left wondering how this can be part of the good God has in mind. If God closes a door that He seemed to have opened at one point, then we need to trust that He has a better plan. So, that's where I am right now. It's a lesson that will probably take a lifetime to learn.
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