Underserved Grace

God is so amazing! My relationship with Him had not necissarily been bad, but it wasn't what it could and should be. I started to realize that, a few days ago, but wasn't ready to work on it. There have been a lot of issues on my mind lately, distracting me from what I needed to focus on. Yesterday was a good and bad day, but ultimately, it was a day God let me start to refocus. Most of work, I enjoyed, but I also saw myself fail. When you really see how much of a failure you are and yet, know that those you have failed forgive you, it is an amazing thing. Amazing Grace. Anyway, it was during that time of seeing how I failed, yet knowing that those I'd failed forgave me, that I start to draw closer to Him again.
For most of the day, I was gone. So, when I got back, I was pretty tired, but almost every day, I talk to my mom, so I called her up. It was a good talk, I suppose. Just in the last week or so, I've been opening up, telling her things that have happened that two months ago I wasnt ready to share with her. So, it was good. But when I hung up, I still needed to let go of some things.
I ended up taking a walk, pretty late last night. After hanging up with my parents, I went to the library, to see about a book. They didn't have the book and I thought I needed it for a History project that's due in a few days. Leaving the library, I felt frustrated. But soon, God showed me what He's been showing me again and again. I don't deserve anything, I've hurt Him with my sin so many times that I deserve what ever He allows to happen to me. So, I ended up going for a walk and just spending time with God. Not that I was telling Him all about it, it was more just being silent and surrendering. Even now, I am so thankful for that time. He refreshed me through that and I found contentment in Him. Peace in whatever He allows me to go through. He is Sovereign and He has promised good things for me because I am His and He loves me.
He drew me a little closer today. We had chapel and it was student life that kind of put it on, so there was a lot of singing, but it became a time of worship. And the two mini messages we were given, were really good to hear. It made me want to wake up every morning, not just to shut my alarm off, but I want my first thought of the day to be "I am thankful for...." and "God has blessed me". An attitude that is centered on God, not me. Because for a while, that's where my focus had wondered to. But when it's on Jesus and knowing He has blessed me, I can have a better relationship with Him, a smile throughout the day, and treat others in a way that glorifies Him. There is no excuse, not even sleep. My eyes just need to be on Him. Hallelujah!